Can't Fight the (HSP) Feelings Anymore

In the journey of self-discovery and emotional exploration, there are pivotal moments that shape our understanding of ourselves. As an extremely aware Highly Sensitive Person, all I EVER HAVE are pivotal moments that affect my self-understanding. Even with all that self-understanding, my nervous system channels all my sensory experiences at the most chaotic warp speed which usually doesn’t provide enough time or space to get my head around what’s happening before I react. Sounds hopeless, but I assure you, evolution is possible. First, follow me down this rabbit hole.

To evolve, there has to be a notable starting point -> As I sat at my desk overwhelmed by multiple things on my todo list, I had a very visceral reaction immediately after getting off a call with customer support where something I have been expecting, and needed urgently, was delayed due to circumstances beyond my control. Something important, we’re not talking about my Amazon subscribe n’ save. I’ll just keep it real, I cried…like, ugly cried.

Per usual, without any prompting from anyone and still sniffling, I launch into self-interrogation to find rhyme AND reason for my tears. Now I'm spiraling...am I reacting this way because it’s hard out here for a family of 6 after being laid off last year among other shaky life events? Even though I consider myself an eternal optimist determined to find joy regardless of a little turmoil. Or is this kind of intense response (notice I'm trying to avoid the "overreaction" label), one that continues to plague my life, just a result of an underlying condition? I recently discovered that all these years, I’ve been missing the mark in trying to manage what’s called Sensory Processing Sensitivity aka High Sensitivity. Yea, it’s a thing.

After some research, I most definitely exhibit all the major characteristics of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) - increased depth of processing, a tendency to be more easily overstimulated, a higher level of emotional intensity, and increased awareness of environmental subtleties.

The one trait that seems to have Goliath’ed over the others for as long as I can remember, is having a higher level of emotional intensity. Brain studies have compared non HSPs to HSPs and proven that someone who is considered Highly Sensitive has increased activity in the part of the brain that processes emotions and empathy (Aron, 2010). This leads to more intense emotions for both positive and negative experiences. HSPs often take longer to “get over'' something socially. It’s more complicated than that, but at a glance, I feel that in my soul. But then again, as a HSP, I feel everything in my soul.

I often don’t know how to feel while also feeling all the things simultaneously, which isn't new for me. Yet I still have the need every time I feel the feels, to excavate the inner workings of my mind in an attempt to dig up the trigger for my reactions. Mainly because I just assumed these traits were strictly indicative of some kind of trauma response - which felt like something I could control. Any advantage that I may have to regulate my response to overstimulation is that I am and probably always have been a very self-aware person. This has been evident since I was a child, along with some seemingly good labels like “intuitive” and “compassionate” mixed in with some less positive labels of being “too sensitive” or “indecisive”.

Who knew the glory of being considered an indigo child would come back to bite me in the ass as an adult who HAS to practice yoga regularly to quell the urge of hulk smashing my way through a house of video game induced outrage, endless snack requests, and witching-hour meltdowns. I don’t know for sure if it would have helped, but maybe it’d have been nice to know that someday I would be dodging people's emotional energy like bullets. Even though getting hit with the energy of others doesn’t put me in physical danger, when I inadvertently absorb the bad mood of teens and toddlers combined, my sympathetic nervous system has the audacity to send me straight into fight or flight while cooking dinner.

Let’s make our way back to the top of this rabbit hole. As it turns out, crying releases the stress hormone, cortisol which is one way to bring the CNS (Central Nervous System) back into balance. Of course crying isn't the end-all-be-all for rebalancing the nervous system, because frequent cortisol release will cause elevated levels and health issues for someone under chronic stress.

The closer I examine the condition and characteristics of being sensitive to stimuli, the more I realize just how primal and fundamental our sensory processing system is to our overall well-being and functioning. The intricate interplay between our senses, emotions, and nervous system highlights their importance in shaping our perceptions, responses, and experiences in the world.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m certainly not looking to start throwing around my innate disfunction as the scapegoat for losing patience with my children when I’m in sensory overload. On the flip side, it’s important to know that I can’t do anything about how stimuli is processed in my brain - however intense it may make my feelings and actions. This is the prime reason why self-awareness is truly the biggest tool for, and the first step in, managing and quieting the thought patterns that send my already overactive central nervous system into hyperdrive. How cruel an experience to be a person that feels compassion and all other emotions so deeply, but hits their limit of stimulation much quicker than others causing them to overreact, responding from a place of survival mode without compassion, which devolves into seemingly debilitating feelings of guilt.

The most effective way to gain or increase self-awareness is to embark upon a journey of self-study. Study.com defines studying the self as “having insight into one's own behavior, attitudes, strengths, and weakness. It is the individual's ability to say and know what he or she is good at or needs improvement. Self understanding is one of the highest goals in psychology.”

We can begin studying ourselves in a few ways:

• Keeping a journal can be a great way to help us reflect on our experiences and actions. Some helpful journal prompts:

  • “What am I grateful for at this moment?”

  • “Have I noticed any patterns with my inner dialogue today (negative self-talk, limiting beliefs)?”/”Could these be having an effect on my emotions and behavior?”

  • Reverse engineer moments of emotional intensity during the day - “what was happening with my environment and senses leading up to the reaction?”

  • Imagine you are speaking to your younger self, how can you be gentle with them and what would you say to show compassion for any overreactions or for deprioritizing yourself?

• Mindfulness practices such as yoga or pranayama (breathing practices) connect our mind and body creating awareness around how we are emotionally and physically impacted by what our five senses are receiving from our environment. Trying to stay present and focusing on our breath in these moments will put us in better regulation of our nervous system.

• Meditation or quiet self-reflection - some would dub this as a “mindfulness practice” which isn’t wrong, but I truly feel it should be a category on its own. It’s during meditation that we learn to be the compassionate witness of our thoughts. It’s with our thoughts, in many cases driven by the Ego, where our emotions and beliefs originate. By creating awareness and eventually learning to control our thoughts, we can begin to unpack some of our baggage finding triggers that induce certain perceptions or reactions.

• Reading books in genres such as self-help or spirituality. We can learn quite a bit about ourselves by hearing the stories of others and taking away ways to apply their insights and experiences to our own lives.

• Counseling can help us increase self-awareness by providing a safe and supportive space to explore our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with a trained professional. Through guided conversations, reflection, and feedback, counselors can help us gain insights into our motivations, leading to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

For me, above all the journaling and self-help books, is my spiritual practice and relationship with God. His mercy knows no bounds in keeping my sanity intact. Almost as important as my spirituality, are my yoga and mindfulness practices. Yoga, while it is not a religion, can be used to develop or deepen a practice of reverence and respect for a higher power. It can also be used as it was intended, as a technology system to unite the mind with the body (yoga means “union”) resulting in higher physical stamina and mental clarity.

Like so many of us, the pandemic was a melting pot for unhealed parts of me to bubble up to the surface whether I was ready to serve it up or not. While in a state of serious emotional turmoil brought on by grief, life changes, and marital discord that caused an intense cycle of triggers for overstimulation, counseling/therapy was the cherry on top. With all of the above resources, I learned to understand and work through trauma, grow in my awareness of triggers, as well as work through the residual effects of being a Highly Sensitive Person - like struggling to set boundaries, putting myself first, and figuring out how to make decisions even in the midst of overwhelm.

Since it’s not a clinical diagnosis, there’s no medication or prescribe-able remedy for Sensory Sensitivity. Even if there was, I know for sure my Eastern influences would have me on the prowl for the most natural options. In the absence of any specific regimen, giving myself grace and taking the time to communicate and repair with my family is another major part of the coping process for me. Heavy on giving myself grace.

It’s really easy to send myself sliding down the shame slip n slide around my level of parenting while having to manage something like Sensory Processing Sensitivity. Kids are a joy, a beautifully rewarding, loud, messy, needy life experience and more than 1 is going to flip your whole household upside down. We have 4. The reality is that two things can be true, I can lose my patience at times, and still be a good parent. I can be deeply affected by others' emotions and still set healthy boundaries for myself. I can find beauty in the small details and still feel overwhelmed by the chaos of life. I can struggle with decision-making under pressure and still have a strong sense of intuition.

If you’re anything like me, I hope you feel seen, but in the best possible way. Just know, that I know, that you’re giving it your all, and that’s all we can ever do. Fun Fact: The work is never done, and you can never get it wrong.

Love y’all ❤️💪🏽